Thursday, July 10, 2008

Best Friend--Raggin' Wednesday a day late

I have two best friends, my sister Leigh and we'll call her Margo. She has been my non-sister BFF since 2001. We worked together at a job that made us both crazy, but she has always been able to make me laugh. Well, recently--oh, the last five or six months--I just have not heard from her. No phone calls, no emails, no myspace messages. If I did get a response, it was one or two words. I even sent provoking, smarta** comments to her, only to get a short little response, if any. This has made me very sad. But I have gone through this with another friend. We make plans, she cancels. I call, she doesn't. I email, she doesn't. I look for her at school, she dropped out. And I never even knew. And here it is going on again. I haven't attempted real hard to save our friendship because I feel like I am begging someone to be my friend. But just to show you what kind of effect she has on me, my husband is jealous of her. He wants to make me laugh like she does. But no one makes me laugh like her.

Yesterday, I decided to call her. I felt the need to identify myself on the message, it had been that long. The last time I talked to her was about two months ago for about 5 seconds, long enough to hear that she and her boyfriend had broken up. She was supposed to call me back, but she did not. I was very sad because I miss her incredibly. I need that good kind of insanity that she brings to me. The kind where I feel the freedom to act silly and let loose. She totally brings out a different side of me.

Back to calling her, she called me back last night. She was very apologetic about not being around. She has been going down a road that I have already been down with Baby Daddy. It absolutely breaks my heart for her because I know the strength she must muster to walk away, and the pain and heartbreak that walking away will cause. I remember that pain so clearly. I remember praying for God to harden my heart so it wouldn't hurt so badly. And he did. I also know that August 25, 2001 was the turning point in my life. Not only did I leave that day, I also met Mr. Wonderful that day ( a post for another time).

But what I am here to say, Margo, is that I forgive you. I love you so very much and only want you to be spared that pain. Hearing last night what you are going through made me remember a time when I was closed off and withdrawn from everyone because things were so bad at home. I remember how bad you hated Baby Daddy for causing me that pain, how you plotted and schemed to help me realize that there was someone else out there that was interested in me, even with a child. You are so right...our friendship is worth keeping. I promise to do a better job of being there for you. You are the person that got me through that disastrous time in my life, and I need to be there for you. I hope that you stay strong and realize that as you said last night, I will never waiver. I will never leave. I will be here when you need me. No matter how frequently or how seldom, I'm here.


Lynda said...

Ah,'s never easy, is it? But, it's worth it. And, when it's our turn to BE the friend, it feels so good to do it.

Good luck!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Holy COW can I relate, but I'm probably more Margo and you're WAY cooler than the friend I've been avoiding. She e-mails, asking how I am, I reply and ask how she is... and then all communication from there on is about her. Her perfect life with her perfect kids and her perfect husband and her perfect lover.. Oh... whoops.. did I say lover?

At any rate - good for you for being a good friend. Margo is lucky.

Veggie Mom said...

I have a previously close friend who must be going thru something, because she seems to be avoiding me like the plague! Every time I call, or set something up, she's more than willing, but she won't make the first move. I'm sad to lose this friendship, but that's what's gonna happen if something doesn't give soon! BTW, I'm pretty new to the blogosphere--pleased to meet ya!! I'm running a giveaway on my blog, so please drop by!

Z's Mom said...

It sounds like we've all been there. Kudos for you for sticking with hard to get over stuff like that. I miss one of my closest friends....she was being treated for depression, that was all she would tell me.....I was pregnant....fighting with baby daddy and I couldn't deal with her not being dependable for me. Its awful and I miss her a lot....apparently we both needed someone strong at the same time. Anyway, I've been thinking about her A LOT lately and you just brought it home even more.

Keep on being the good friend you are.... :)