Dear Mother Nature,
I just wanted to remind you that it is October here in Alabama. I am not sure if you have forgotten or if we have done something to offend you. I am writing this letter to urge you to call off the hounds, to wave the white flag, or whatever it is that I need to do to get you to return us to fall. Two weeks ago, you had obviously taken us back to summer with 90 degree temperatures. This week, 40s and 50s. I just need consistency. See, fall is my favorite season. Spring is nice, too, but fall--with its beautifully colored leaves and football---oh, it's so good. And just in case I hold some special favor with you, I respectfully request that the leaves stay those beautiful colors and, preferably, remain on the trees. That would be a big help. I don't love raking. And I really get tired of strangers knocking on my door asking to rake my yard for money. Can I just tell them that I like the leaves?
I guess Coach Blackmon forgot to tell you that I am supposed to work at the football game tonight. Rain, combined with cold temperatures, does not make me a happy camper. If I must stand outside for hours taking tickets of people foolish enough to watch football in this weather, I need some cooperation for the cessation of this rain. Don't get me wrong: I can handle the cold. I can handle rain. I can handle wind. But the combination of the three may actually be lethal. Are you trying to kill me?
I appreciate your time and consideration of these requests.
How We Chose Our Kitchen Appliances
12 hours ago