Friday, January 23, 2009

Groundhog Day

Anybody remember that movie? Bill Murray is trapped in a single day which he relives over and over? He wakes up at the same time and to the same song. He goes through the same events over and over again. It is sheer hell to him. WELL, I am experiencing Groundhog Day myself. I wake up every. single. morning at 4:38. I follow the exact same morning routine, repeat the exact same activities for the day, and end the day in tears. I am living my own hell. The only difference is that I never know what my students have up their sleeves for that day. I dread waking up in the mornings.

Mr. Wonderful and I had the discussion last night about my future as a teacher. He told me that he was tired of seeing me a blubbering, crying mess who snaps at my children needlessly. He is tired of me being so mentally exhausted that I really have no energy to want to do anything or go anywhere. I told him that I did not know what the answer is, but I think I know must consider what it is. We must get rid of debt. Baby K has two more years at home before she starts school, so my plan right now is to TRY to finish the school year, and consider what my next career plan will be. Maybe this will give me enough time to be still and listen to what God has planned for me. I am not turning in my notice right now; I am going to be still and listen to God. Life has become very overwhelming. I no longer feel like I am strong enough to deal with any of it. The smallest things are setting me into a tear-filled frenzy. Any suggestions?

(When re-reading this, I thought that I sound suicidal--but trust me, I am not!)


BigSis said...

What about changing to a private school? Maybe things would be a little better b/c if parents arey paying for the education, they might be more involved. Hang in there! God will provide the answer.

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niartist said...

I do remember that movie! What a movie ... anyhoo - I say, let go and let God! Until then, find something that is theraputic for you. Do that, release a little of that negative energy on good things! Best of luck to you!

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