Hopefully the last post of its kind

Okay, I can stomach alot, but this--I did not sign up for this. When I wanted a dog, I knew that there was going to be much upkeep and care required. However, why did I have to pick a dog that has bowel issues?????? He either poops all over the house or can't do it at all. From my post earlier today, you can tell that I have had several hours of Jack's "problems". I have been gagging every time I am near him all afternoon long. Keith and I have been searching the house over the the pile of poop that usually awaits me from such a long time of funk. Only we came up empty. (Well, I say empty--we did find cat poo). Keith has been busy blaming the cat and rising to Jack's defense. But I knew. Mama's know these things. So I am sitting in my rocker watching "Gilmore Girls" waiting for Jack's flea medicine to start working so that maybe, just maybe, he can sit with me again. But the smell is overwhelming. He was laying on the vent behind my chair, suffocating me with a putrid smell. I felt like someone had wiped poo under my nose--I just couldn't get the smell out of nose. It was awful. Jack, trying to get some Mama time, attempted to jump into the chair with me. But since I just saw fleas on him a few minutes before, I did not let him. It was then that I saw it. A BIG WAD of poo matted all over his butt and I began to vomit in my mouth. Oh yeah--don't leave yet. It gets better than that. I proceed to lay Jack down and clean his butt with baby wipes. Yes, you heard me correctly--clean his butt!! This, without a doubt, is the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do. I can clean babies butts all day long---but not Stupid's doggy poo. And not only did it take about 20 wipes, I got bit. On the hand. Not hard, just enough to warrant a slap on the nose and a harsh tone. Then Jack just lays on his back, legs in the air, just like he has seen the kids do and lets me clean his butt, all the while pulling out quite a bit of hair from the anus region. I do think this occurrence has cured me from wanting a dog. I guess I will have to re-research whether Schnauzer's have lots of bowel problems. I don't know if I could possibly perform this task without being paid a large sum of money to do it. But, if any one needs their dog's butts wiped and have a large sum of money, I am your woman. Maybe this can be my job--lead butt wiper. I need some suggestions for my title to put on my business cards. My life is so great.